How much do I know you?

Dear Crake,

the plan was to drill my fingers for the next 10 hours and practice by the piano but my mum woke me up this morning and asked me to accompany her to pray since it's the 15th of the lunar calendar. So I got up, prepared myself and there was a change of plan. She decided to go pray by herself while I get myself to Thomson Plaza and pick up our yu sheng since we were late. Then I spent an alone time by KFC, people watching, and went home alone.

Been lying on the sofa for the past two hours reading someone's blog. Don't question me because I've been questioning myself for the past two hours as I was reading the person's blog at the same time. I just can't help it, I had to dig it all out.

For the past two hours, there's been a battle between my heart and my brain ;

Why are you reading this blog?

- I don't know, I'm just bored and I have to know what used to happen.

You know you'll hurt yourself if you continue reading, what are you trying to do?

- I don't know, I just need to know about the past, i can't be blind about this okay.

Please stop reading, it's getting really bad.

- I don't care if it'll hurt me, it's better than not knowing anything. It's better to hurt now than later.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

-----

Dude it's all over your face now, I think anyone can see that now, stop it.

- leave me alone, I need to do this.

Honestly, I kinda regretted what I did. Thanks to my stupid heart, I'm lying down on the bed with my lappy right now, writing my heart out to this virtual friend of mine. But I kinda do not regret it because it made me stop running for awhile, it made me slow down to give it a thought. I just don't wanna face this alone because I feel afraid. but sometimes in life, you have to do this alone.

I don't know why Crake, I just had to know. I don't know why I needed to know Crake, it's just that I do not want to be blind and be kept in the dark. Even though it's in the past, I still had to know because what's in the past nurtures you to be what you are right now. And whatever you are right now is going to be tattooed right on my life soon.

Yes, "how much do know him? How well do you actually know him?" That's the scariest question anyone can ask me. Because I myself can't answer that. I've been asking myself that and I can't give a solid answer to that. Everything's happening too fast. In reality,these things have happened within a month and a half. Just a month and a half. But why does it feel like it has been happening for a long time? Like it has been going on since forever that I can't even remember how long ago it has started.

In storybooks that I've read, the things the author write has a timeline of only a month. And so many things happens within that month. I always used to think that they're storybooks, they're fairytales, they won't actually happen in life. But why is it happening to me right now? I feel that I could relate to those books I've read. It felt like a deja vu, like I'm in a play, like I'm the main character.

It's going to be two weeks soon and I missed the times I used to have with you. I want a heart to heart talk. I want to lie down on a wide plain field of green grasses in my shades, watching the play-dance of the clouds in skies, talking to you about everything.I want us to talk about everything till the sun starts to set and I don't care whether the things we talk about are going to be sad or happy because I know I can cry and laugh since you'll be right by my side to share these emotions with me. Even though it's been such a short time, I'd like to use the rest of my lifetime to know you and know you well enough before we go on to the next step. I'd like you to tell me more about your past so that I know what you are. I'd like to clear all my doubts and curiosities of you before we go on to the next step.

It might sound cliche to everyone else, but this time it feels different to me. I'm hoping that you feel the same way as I do because I feel that you do feel that way. I've wasted enough time. I don't want to go running around wasting anymore time looking around. We've been revolving around each other for such a long time and it's only now that we've met.

I guess he had his plans and I'm thankful for whatever he's gonna throw on me because I grow each time he throws these things to me. So, I CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE :D

Lastly, I know you won't be reading this because you won't have the time to. HAHA :P and I do want to find out how you feel before you try reading this. At least I know that you didn't lie and it's mutual (:

EXCITED.

That's all for now Crake, my virtual friend, I shall practice my piano now.

I love you as always Crake,

vika.